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Jan. 27th, 2010 | 11:25 am
point on the map: work
a word: naughtynaughty
i'm into: no music :(

it's been a good week since my last post. i've been doing lots of things that make me feel normal and like myself. i have worked out twice. been to yoga once. had a massage and a banya treatment. you should google that and then do it. or if you're a denver local - you should check this place out. http://www.izbaspa.com/ my bf gave me a gift certificate for christmas. he did research to find a place that would give me more than just the massage. he wanted me to get extra special treatment. he could not have found a more perfect experience for me. after my massage i went to see the latest Pedro Almodovar film. it's beautiful. true to his style and full of brilliant colors. a friend of mine said she can never figure out if he loves or hates women. i think it's a bit of both.

all the good stuff is good. there are some things that still have stress for me though. work for one. i have no boss. i am in charge of fully motivating myself to do my job and sometimes i wish there was someone to give me direction. on one hand, i love it. there's so much freedom and i'm in control of the day. but accountability is a good thing. i come in to work around 10 most days and feel guilty about it. sure, i stay late on several days of the week, but that's not really what i want for my life. so maybe part of the change i need here is to say these things out loud.

it feels good to be working on getting healthy again. the bf is in the same place and i'm glad to have his support, and to support him on this too. being in a relationship and remembering to take care of each of ourselves is challenging. i think it's a challenge for most people. it takes work to be partners and individuals. but the partnership feels stronger when we are each at our best. i sure love him.

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spanning time

Jan. 19th, 2010 | 10:30 pm
point on the map: home
a word: aware
i'm into: joao gilberto

is it an obligation or a privilege? i'm not sure some days. the last three months have been incredibly challenging. i feel like my emotions peak and drop at rates and frequencies undeterminable. alas, that is life. that is it. the patterns are there and we fail to recognize them with clarity....until we do.

i dance around wondering when i am going to find confidence again as though it is to be dropped in my lap. as if direction and choice comes serendipitously. but not for one second do i believe that is really how life works. not for one. not for one do i believe life "fixes" itself. work is the only path there. today, a serious realization became overwhelming. i will not be what and where i want, if i don't go down the path that takes me there. and i gotta stand up and start walking to get there.

so in an effort to perpetuate motion i have chosen to take care of myself 3 nights in a row. one - watching shows i enjoy, taking time to put my photos into the world, reading before bed. two, waking up early and going to bed early, playing guitar and discovering my own silly song, looking for new dresses for myself. three- having close and dear friends over for dinner, cooking a meal both healthy and delicious, talking and wine and petting animals.

tomorrow, a yoga class. each day. one at a time. choose to take care. choose to acknowledge this moment. choose myself as my highest priority (or at least top 3).


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(no subject)

Nov. 19th, 2009 | 04:36 pm
point on the map: United States, Colorado, Denver
a word: thirstythirsty
i'm into: no music :(



the list. well, i am working on it. i haven't done as many things as i should have, but it's there for me to read and remember.

i like this:

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a quick list

Nov. 10th, 2009 | 11:24 pm
point on the map: home
a word: calmcalm
i'm into: the sound of silence



here are the things i am going to do.
-clean my laundry
-take out my trash
-take walks or do things active to make me feel more confident about myself
-write more
-call my grandpa
-sit down and make a real life grown up budget
-put my resume out into the world
-get sleep, good sleep
-work smarter
-be appreciative of my loved ones
-chill out
-have some faith that things are headed in a good direction, even when it feels stressful
-eat at home all week
-play my guitar more
-record myself playing my guitar
-learn 1 new song, completely

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how i feel today

Sep. 9th, 2009 | 07:32 pm
point on the map: office
i'm into: none




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windmills and a red barn

Aug. 20th, 2009 | 03:53 pm

drove to kansas a few weeks ago for a wedding. it was a really fast trip. the emotional waves that come from being in old places are sometimes quite amazing. i drove stretches of highway that for years had been familiar. and yet it's been almost 10 years since i've traveled them. been thinking lots about the past and how it haunts the present sometimes. there are days when old feelings and places feel so far away. and there are days when i feel hit in the head by my own lessons that keep coming back. someone once said to me that fate is experiencing the same struggle over and over until you finally learn how to get on down the road.

i wonder sometimes if trying to race down that road somehow makes it longer. maybe i should take pause and look back to see where i've been.

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Gustavo

Jul. 7th, 2009 | 02:11 pm


Gustavo, originally uploaded by rachel_bernadette.

He's missing. He jumped off my balcony and has been cruising around town. I hope he comes home soon.

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rightsidedown

Jun. 8th, 2009 | 10:29 am


rightsidedown, originally uploaded by racheeroo2you.

i've decided that i'm more interested in photos than writing later. i'm sure that will change.

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haunting my memory

Jun. 2nd, 2009 | 12:51 pm


haunting my memory, originally uploaded by racheeroo2you.

gray skies bring out a certain feeling of nostalgia for me.

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gus in morning sunshine

May. 29th, 2009 | 09:56 pm


gus in morning sunshine, originally uploaded by racheeroo2you.

my boss has loaned me his camera and i'm in love with it.

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